Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Randomize