I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
Randomize
