The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
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