Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
Randomize
