This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
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