i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
Randomize
