i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
Randomize