we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
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