First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
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