I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
Randomize
