there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
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