you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
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