If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
ron's 8" boning knife is for sale. oh and it comes with a flavor injector.
High?
hahahahaha turkey breast
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
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