he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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