dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
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