Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
The best revenge is premature balding
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
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