if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
Randomize
