and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
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