Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
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