So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
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