you turned your livingroom into a bong?
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
I need moral support for this bender
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
Randomize
