she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
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