i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
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