I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
Randomize
