You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
Randomize
