i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Randomize
