Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
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