chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
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