even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Randomize
