Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Randomize
