And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
Randomize
