Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
Randomize
