dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
Randomize
