even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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