I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
Best friends brother. Beat that.
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
Randomize