Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
Randomize
