he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize