apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
Randomize
