after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
Randomize
