i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
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