I can't breathe out the right side of my face
I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
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