I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
Randomize