He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
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