And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
Randomize
