I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
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