He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
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