OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
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