The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
Randomize
