There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
Just puked most of my soul out..
Randomize
