this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
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