I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Randomize
