Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
Randomize
