My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
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