need another drink. this is the easiest way
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
The power of my boobs compel you
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
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