i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
Randomize
