nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
Randomize
