I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
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