He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
Randomize
