i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
Randomize
