cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
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