Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
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