did you get engaged???
I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
I just got carded by a ten year old.
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
Randomize
