I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
Randomize
