if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Randomize
