I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
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