I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
Randomize
