Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
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