The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
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