i think my mom watched the whole time
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
