you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
Randomize
