Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
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