how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
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