How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
