She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
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